What exactly do you mean by 'reckless'? ask bankers

BANKERS have attacked plans to send them to jail for being ‘reckless’, insisting that could mean anything.

As the Banking Standards Commission called for harsher penalties for financial executives, the bankers insisted recklessness was ‘entirely subjective’.

Martin Bishop, from Donelly-McPartlin, said:  “I cannot imagine the circumstances under which we would behave recklessly. Do you mean while we’re driving? Or perhaps you mean skiing without a helmet?

“Are you suggesting we have been reckless in the past? I’m afraid you’re going to have to be more specific.”

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Amazing Google office has wank shed

GOOGLE’S incredible HQ has been revamped to include a shed where employees can masturbate.

The internet giant has completed a revamp of its utopian EU headquarters in Dublin to include music rooms, themed kitchens and wooden outbuilding full of pornos.

Google employee Tom Logan said: “It’s got every type of pornography from 19th-century nudey daguerrotypes and 80s hardcore Euro-mags to computer terminals with interactive dildos.

“Also there is unlimited bog roll. And course of a fridge full of smoothies.

“You’ve never seen anything like it, it’s really high-end stuff. My brother works for Microsoft and if he wants to fire one off he has to go in the disabled toilet.”

A Google spokesman said: “Working for Google is so amazing that most of our workforce is in a permanent state of sexual arousal.”

The multi-million redesign also includes an indoor haunted forest with real ghosts and a gladiatorial arena where workers can fight to the death while drinking free smoothies.