Woman proud to support independent shops once she's cross-checked prices online

A WOMAN is passionate about supporting local businesses, provided they are not marking products up too much compared to global retail giant Amazon. 

Eleanor Shaw is a keen advocate for independent retailers, as long as they are not “taking the piss” with the prices they charge to cover their overheads, staffing costs, rent and tax bills.

Shaw said: “I love going into an actual shop, where people are passionate about what they’re selling and don’t just want to mass-market cheap crap.

“However, sometimes smaller shops aren’t as hot on the offers. I always do a quick search on my phone while I’m there so I know an independent business owner isn’t ripping me off.

“We have a fantastic Fair Trade store near us, full of ethically sourced food and nature-friendly shower gel. I feel like a better person just walking in there.

“But I always check to see if it’s cheaper overall to bulk-buy a crate of quinoa from Amazon. The developing world deserves fair treatment, but not if it costs me a few quid I could be putting towards a new spiralizer.”

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Hancock admits track and trace app was developed for Nokia 3310

THE health secretary has admitted that the government’s ‘world beating’ track and trace app failed because it was developed for a 20-year-old phone.

Matt Hancock said the NHS may have to switch to an alternative designed by modern tech experts instead of one that gave users the opportunity to reach level 73 of Snake.

Hancock said: “Unfortunately the Nokia 3310 has proved unable to cope with a complex app designed to stop the spread of coronavirus, despite being a design classic with a stopwatch and calculator.

“We were warned that our approach would fail, but we chose to plough on away, mainly because Dom wanted one of his dodgy mates to get the millions of pounds spent on developing it.

“However, it turns out that even though he claims to be some kind of superforecasting wizard, he failed to see this incredibly predictable turn of events coming.

“Other track and trace methods we are testing include shouting ‘Have you got coronavirus?’ at oncoming pedestrians through a loudhailer and making a telephone out of cups tied together with string.”