Young entrepreneurs ‘could cripple economy’

TRENDY but utterly pointless businesses set up by hip young entrepreneurs could cripple the UK’s economy, experts have warned.

You have to believe in your idea, even if everyone else thinks it's fucking idiotic

Economists are worried that programmes like Dragons’ Den and Be Your Own Boss are encouraging young entrepreneurs to set up businesses that are ‘wicked’ and ‘the boom shizzle’ as opposed to viable.

Economist Tom Logan said: “The UK economy is becoming over-dependent on headphone beanie hats, ironic mobile phone covers, sushi box delivery services and other trendy shit I can barely bring myself to describe.

“The problem is that the market for these products can instantly collapse when people realise that a ‘funky festival tent’ is essentially just a tent that costs £150 more because it’s got pictures of Miffy on it.

“This could lead to a depression similar to that of 1930s Germany, except people will be begging for a crust of bread whilst wearing Manga-themed backpacks.”

Young entrepreneur and CEO of ‘Urban Vibez Aksezories’ Nikki Hollis said: “Even when times are tough there will always be a demand for surfboards customised with Banksy-esque graffiti of gay robot policeman.

“Last year I had a turnover of well over £2,000, although I also have debts of £190,000 and my parents have had to remortgage their house to stop me going to prison.”

Fellow entrepreneur Nathan Muir said: “I’ve already made my first seven figure debt from a ghetto-themed inflatable skating rink.

“My next project is a cannibal-inspired street food restaurant where the sausages look like human penises.”

It is estimated that 24% of the UK’s GDP is based on eco-friendly smoothies.