Zuckerberg warns staff to stay off Facebook

FACEBOOK’S business woes are the result of its staff wasting time on their own website, it has emerged.

Zuckerberg demonstrated his throttling ability

Mark Zuckerberg admitted his designers and programmers have been spending up to six hours a day liking photos, playing Words With Friends and deleting embarrassing entries from their Timelines.

He said: “Some days I want to kill whoever invented Facebook.  Then I remember it was me, and I have to roll around in my money pile until I calm down.”

In an email entitled ‘Stop fucking poking me’ Mr Zuckerberg wrote: “If staff wasting time was a Facebook post, I would not ‘Like’ it.

“If you do have to go on the site, at least click on some adverts.

“Literally no one is clicking on the fucking ads.”

Mr Zuckerberg has tried, without success, persuading his staff to log out by flooding their news feeds with baby photos and paying their parents to sign up.

Social media addiction counsellor Roy Hobbs said: “They’re breaking the number one rule – don’t get high on your own supply.”

The markets have remained unimpressed by Zuckerberg’s efforts, despite reports that Facebook staff are expecting a bumper harvest on Farmville.

In contrast, staff in the offices of Google+ are achieving record productivity.