44-year-old realises people he considers famous and people his son considers famous has zero crossover

AN adult man has realised that his idea of an A-list celebrity shares absolutely no names with his teenage son’s.

Tom Booker, aged 44,  thought that the stars of his youth were universally well-known, but was thrown into existential crisis when his son Oliver drew a blank on every single one.

Tom said: “We were talking about the kind of top celebrities you’d never see on Strictly. I started reeling off names like Julia Roberts, Bono, and Robbie Williams. He looked up from scrolling as if I was insane.

“He’s heard of none. Not even Eminem, and I think of him as recent. He’s never even heard of the Spice Girls! He asked if that was what they called British colonisers. He’s so out of touch! Right?”

Oliver, aged 14, said: “No offence, but I don’t know what a ‘Noel Gallagher’ is and I’m not planning on taking GCSE History to find out.”

“Meanwhile, he’s never heard of major TikTok stars with names that are some variation of Lil Gronk, Pump Drip and Baby XxX. Like, how? How can you walk the streets and be unaware of these people?

“Oh, and George W. Bush. You know, the guy from the whispering meme.”

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Woman gives toxic, abusive relationship with dating apps another chance

A WOMAN has decided to give her unhealthy relationship with dating apps one more go even though they have consistently done nothing but hurt her.

After vowing ‘never again’, Lauren Hewitt has gone crawling back to Tinder, Bumble and Hinge despite their record of destroying her confidence by matching her to the worst men in existence.

She said: “Yes, dating apps leave me feeling drained, paranoid and insecure. And yes, the last time I ended things with them I swore it was for good. But that was five whole hours ago. Perhaps they’ve changed.

“Maybe they’ve done some soul searching and installed a dick pic filter? Or maybe they screen profiles now and block men who have a photo with a dog that isn’t theirs? I owe them at least a download to find out.

“If they’re still awful to me then maybe it’s my job to fix them. Failing that, I’ll blame myself when it inevitably all goes tits-up. It’s such a familiar dance at this point that maybe I need to accept it’s what I actually want.”

The first man Lauren matched with said ‘Hey, you up?’ then called her ‘a bitch and a four’ when she failed to instantly reply.