Tuesday, 11th May 2021

59-year-old grounded by his mum

A 59-YEAR-OLD man has been grounded by his mother for having bad friends and lying about it. 

Andrew Windsor of Windsor was told by his elderly mother it was bad enough he was hanging around with that horrible Epstein boy, but even worse that he thought he could lie and get away with it. 

Andrew said: “So that’s it. I’m grounded. No jets, no helicopter, nothing. This is so unfair.

“I said ‘What about all my charities, I’ll still need to go to them’ and mum said ‘They’re all dropping you and you never went to them anyway’. Which is frankly hurtful at a time like this. 

“Now I’m confined to a 30-room house with a mere 98 acres of grounds for the foreseeable future. No nightclubs, no international business meetings, no golf. I might as well be dead. 

“She’s stopped my pocket money – only £249k a year, so it was already a pittance – and I’m only allowed guests to the house if they’re not sex traffickers or dictators’ sons. Which basically leaves no one.” 

Mother Elizabeth said: “He’s not completely grounded. I’ve given him permission to still take his girls to Woking Pizza Express.”