Ben Fogle really into Grateful Dead

TV PRESENTER Ben Fogle has become obsessed with the Grateful Dead after being spiked with LSD.

He said: “I had always been more into poppy opera like Il Divo, and maybe a bit of Chris Rea for the Range Rover.

“But psychedelics have made me realise that’s all a load of shit and Jerry Garcia is the man.

“Perhaps I could make a BBC teatime show where me and Jerry look at badgers while blitzed on Purple Hearts. I know he’s dead but that doesn’t matter because I no longer think of time and space as linear.

He added: “Also I quite like a bit of Captain Beefheart for when I’m doing the school run.”

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Kate and Hilary team up to punch Britain in the mouth

HILARY Mantel and the Duchess of Cambridge have come together to shut Britain’s stupid face.

After 24 hours of low-grade British opinionating, the two women realised they had a common enemy.

Mantel said: “Kate and I talked on the telephone and I realised that she was a lovely, vibrant young woman, who just wants to express her burning contempt for modern Britain.

“As we talked we realised that it is not us who are at fault. It is all of you and your endless ‘opinions’.

“Therefore, we have decided to use the comment threads of the Guardian and the Daily Telegraph as a starting point.

“Our assistants will trawl through the comments for choice examples of particularly strident, ill-informed human sewage and then Kate and I will pay them a visit.

“I’m also looking forward to visiting Julie Burchill very hard, for the very simple reason that she thinks she is on my side.”

Mantel added: “We are not going to bother the poor souls who comment via the Daily Mail. The last thing those people need is a head injury.”