Brexiter can't get over how disastrous Megxit is

AN ardent Brexiter is appalled by what an absolute disaster Megxit has turned out to be. 

Martin Bishop believes that the Duke and Duchess of Sussex’s ‘out-of-nowhere’ decision to leave the Royal Family and Britain last year is a ‘historic error’ that will ‘take a generation to rectify’.

He said: “What were they thinking? What did they hope to gain? It’s all just so unnecessary. They were onto a good thing. Why couldn’t they just ignore the hysteria of the tabloids and continue a beneficial relationship?

“At first I had hopes of a soft Megxit, where they retained their HRHs and still did the big occasions, but their intransigence meant that it had to be hard and damaging.

“Now they’re over there and Harry’s being all woke and Californian and I don’t think they’ll ever come back. Which is their decision, but also really hurts those of us who opposed it and that’s not fair.

“Perhaps, in time, they’ll understand they had a great deal after all, that they’d whipped themselves into lunatic paranoia, and come back.”

Bishop added: “She’ll have to fill in some forms first though. She’s not English. We’re sovereign now.”

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'Bubble' far too jolly a term, nation confirms

BRITONS have decided that ‘bubble’ is too cosy a term for a grim huddle of bored people stuck indoors with only each other for company.

Whilst a household bubble sounds like it should involve bouncy pink balloons and a giggling baby, the reality has been confirmed as depressingly different.

Bubble member Tom Logan said: “Before the pandemic, the word ‘bubble’ conjured up nice things like bottles of champagne and long, relaxing baths.

“Now, it means a household populated by a gang of increasingly resentful people in grubby bathrobes who can no longer be bothered to wash their hair.

“It needs to be renamed. Something like ‘consolidated unit of gloom’ or ‘pressurised time bomb of dislike’. Or perhaps ‘cluster of tedium’, which is snappy while still being honest.

“I suppose the only thing that makes it bubble-like is that eventually it will have to burst and I will never, ever see it again. I know they’re my parents and sister, but I just want them to f**k off forever.”