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Celebrity children who owe their wealth and success to hard graft

CELEBRITY children are accused by poor people of only earning their money through family connections. But that’s just sour grapes. Here are some who clawed their way to the top through sheer hard work.

Brooklyn Beckham

Most 23-year-olds drive a hatchback or get the bus, but young Brooklyn drives a £1 million McLaren sports car thanks to his job as a chef, slaving over a hot griddle for up to 18 hours a day making his trademark delicacy, sausage and egg sandwiches. He learned his trade during four years spent working in a food van on a layby off the A339 near Basingstoke.

Euan Blair

Young Euan is worth an estimated £160 million and received an MBE for services to education. He started work as a chimney sweep aged six, cleaning out the chimneys in his dad’s house in Downing Street. He studied by candlelight between finishing work at midnight and getting up at 6am, and won a £50,000 scholarship at Yale despite being really tired.

Prince George

Young Prince George is third in line to the throne, but rather than have everything handed to him on a silver plate carried by a footman, he insists on paying his own way. He does a paper round on Saturday morning to pay for his royal tours of Canada and Australia and washes neighbours’ cars to go on diplomatic visits with his parents to Poland and Germany.

Paris Hilton

Socialite Paris is worth an estimated £255 million, all of it earned through hard graft. The hotel empire heiress applied for and got a summer job at Topshop, then was made temporary manager of the jeans and leggings department when Stacey was off sick for three weeks. Her sterling work holding the fort led to an employee of the month award, which kickstarted her career as a model, TV celebrity and socialite.

Kim Kardashian

Kimberley Noel Kardashian is worth £1.5 billion but her immense wealth is nothing to do with her immensely wealthy parents or marrying immensely wealthy Kanye West. She started her empire selling handmade brooches at car boot sales, before branching out into bangles on eBay. The bulk of her income comes from this, with celebrity-related earnings bringing in ‘50 quid a week if she’s lucky’.

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Five things sickeningly perfect couples you know are into

DO you know a couple who are tediously perfect in every f**king way? Then they will definitely be into these things…

Batch cooking

Not content with being the type of wankers who ‘eat clean’, this couple have now got into batch cooking because, they smugly explain, it allows them to always have healthy meals ready when they need them. Bully for you, you think, ordering a delicious pizza while they microwave yet another portion of month-old cauliflower korma.

Peloton

These two aspirational pricks can’t make do with a bog standard exercise bike and instead spaff two grand on a Peloton so they can pretend they’re riding around outside. They’ll be hugely supportive of each other’s progress, which they think is cute but makes you want to vomit on its 24-inch HD touchscreen.

Volunteering

‘We know how incredibly fortunate and privileged we are,’ these twats coo humbly, ‘So we want to give something back.’ However, they’re obviously only doing it because it makes them look good as they only volunteer at nice places like the local donkey sanctuary and keep well away from the local food bank, which might expose them to poor people and make them feel bad.

Meditation

While other couples are relaxing by lying on the sofa like lumps watching The Sandman, these bellends are sitting cross-legged in their living room listening to a guided meditation tape. The irony is that both couples reach a state of silent bliss but only one of them gets to watch telly while doing it.

Jigsaws

‘Oh, we’re so boring these days,’ the couple you hate say with horribly self-satisfied smiles, ‘We just stay in and do jigsaws.’ And thank f**k they do, as it means you can go down the pub without these dicks ostentatiously holding hands while they drink a sensible amount and generally making you feel nauseous without the usual cause of nine pints of Kronenbourg.

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