GWYNETH Paltrow and Chris Martin’s marriage has succeeded in a splitting up kind of way, they have announced.
Describing a ‘conscious uncoupling’, a joint statement explained how their blessed relationship had meaningfully evolved into a wonderful divorce.
It read: “While everything continues to be joyful, we have decided to expand our marriage to include two large opposing legal teams.”
Insiders believe the pressure of maintaining successful careers while raising two blurry-faced kids forced the unexpected but delightful change.
Meanwhile the global therapy industry has diverted its resources to Los Angeles.
Lead counsellor Tom Logan said: “It’s going to be the angst equivalent of an Australian bushfire. We’ll split into two teams of several thousand people, using a relay system to deliver meaningless affirmative statements.”