A BAN on books in British prisons has deprived inmates of makeshift cigarette filters, according to insiders.
The Home Secretary’s decision to stop prisoners being sent books mean that lifers are down to their last few Dan Brown blurbs.
Prisoner Bill McKay said: “Obviously tobacco and weed are freely available and we make rolling papers from onion skins, but we need card or stiff laminated paper to make the roaches that protect us from cancer.
We dont have train tickets in here. Nobody gives us business cards. Grown men go to sleep dreaming of ripping the lid of a Rizla packet into neat little rectangles.
This book ban leaves us with five, maybe six days of roach left. After that its riots and rooftops, but unfortunately nobody will know why because weve roached all the cardboard wed use for signs.
Convicted felon Stephen Malley said: “I do enjoy reading but you can have too much of it, whereas smoking never gets boring.”