Chris Evans combing through giant address book of knobheads

NEW Top Gear presenter Chris Evans is trying to decide which of his sycophantic pals will join him as co-presenters. 

The retro 90s star faces the mammoth task of assessing thousands of gits and arseholes before deciding on the two who will display him to best advantage.

Evans said: “It was easy for Clarkson, because he’s only ever had two friends, although Hammond is more of a pet.

“But, as a famous fuckstick of more than 20 years standing, I’m literally knee-deep in bootlickers desperate to claim the humiliating position of my sidekick.

“Jay Kay? Tim Westwood? Rowan Atkinson? Who to choose?”

More than 6,000 of Evans’s contacts who are good at driving, funny, attractive or capable of having conversations with women have already been ruled out, leaving roughly 8,000 names to check.

He added: “It needs to be someone who’ll accept being unimaginatively demeaned and degraded by a sneering egomaniac week after week for even the most glancing acquaintance with fame.

“So it’s basically Geri Haliwell and one other.”