Christian Bale's American Accent Gets Even Worse

FILM fans were last night given a sneak preview of Christian Bale's worst American accent so far.

A recording from the set of Terminator Stagnation revealed snippets from the actor's latest tour de force of badly mangled syllables.

Bale first inflicted his dreadful accent with the darkly comic American Psycho, while in 3.10 to Yuma he played an Arizona rancher who seemed to have spent a huge amount of time in south London.

But it was his Batman performances, where he switched between two equally appalling accents, that made critics sit up, take notice and ask why the part wasn't given to an American.

Bale is in the vanguard of a new wave of British actors who have taken Hollywood by storm with their astonishingly bad attempts to sound like Americans.

Film critic Tom Booker said: "He's certainly getting worse, there's no question of that. He now sounds like a child playing cowboys and Indians. Marvellous.

"He's definitely as bad as Hugh Laurie, though perhaps still not quite as awful as Eddie Izzard, but he is getting there. And who knows, one day he may even be as bad as Bob Hoskins."

But Booker dismissed the idea of British roles for British Actors, adding: "These accents must be allowed to flourish. They are little works of art. A bit like a someone playing the trumpet really badly."

Meanwhile the recording also revealed that Bale remains a miserable, aggressive prick who is unable to handle the stress of being paid millions of pounds for dressing up and playing pretend.

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Tories Hire Vorderman To Help People Work Out If Firstplus Loan Was A Good Idea

CAROL Vorderman is to head a Conservative Party taskforce to help people work out if debt consolidation loans are really such a good idea after all.

The Tories said the former Countdown star was ideally suited to the post as one of the country's leading experts in lots of big, confusing interest rates.

Vorderman said: "Let's say you have £20,000 in outstanding credit which, if you just stopped buying shit you don't need, you could pay off in around six years with interest payments of about £7,000.

"But if you rolled it all up into your mortgage and paid it off over 20 years you could continue to buy the shit you don't need and pay interest of just £14,000.

"£14,000 divided by £7,000 equals £2 which you then multiply by 10,000 to get the number you started with. Maths is so much easier than you think."

She added: "Meanwhile, if the value of your property then drops like a brick, you're faced with the new and exciting problem of who to complain to when you're thrown into the street.

"Of course the simple answer to all of that is to make sure you built up a large fortune selling expensive loans and pointless detox diets while earning even more money by doing sums on the telly."

Tory leader David Cameron said: "Interest rates are incredibly important. For instance I am particularly fascinated by media interest rates.

"So if I needed someone to head-up a taskforce about maths teaching, I suppose I could ask a professor of maths or someone who had actually taught maths in a school, but then the interest rate would be very small indeed. Do you see?"