David Dimbleby refusing to ask or answer any questions for rest of life

DAVID Dimbleby has confirmed that he will not be asking or answering any questions for the rest of his life.

The outgoing Question Time presenter, who chaired the show for 25 years, says he will only offer and respond to statements of fact from now on.

He said: “Questions, questions, fucking questions. I’ve been dealing with questions for a quarter of a century and I’m sick of them.

“So I will simply not be posing them or acknowledging them. If I never hear an upward inflection at the end of a sentence again, so much the better.”

Instead, he continued, he is in the process of training friends and family to alter their vernacular to suit his new requirements.

He explained: “I will not, for example, respond when people ask me if I want a cup of tea.

“Instead, I would like to be informed that a cup of tea is about to be made, at which point I can inform the maker that I would or would not like a cup of tea.”