A DOG’S feelings have been crushed after discovering that his owner’s best friend is actually a man named Martin.
3-year-old golden retriever Wayne Hayes said: “I thought I was Tom’s best mate. Then I heard him on the phone arranging to go for a ‘pint’ with some guy called Martin, whatever and whoever that is.
“He laughed and said ‘what are best mates for?’ At first, I thought he must be talking about me, but then I realised he was still on the phone.
“I brought that bastard his slippers every morning, but apparently that means nothing. I have half a mind to chew them into oblivion.
“Would Martin fight off burglars for him? Or save him from a fire? Or let him clean up his shit?”
Tom Booker said: “Come on, Wayne. We’ve got to go now or I’ll be late to meet Martin.”
Sammy added: “Keep digging, Tom. I’m planning to piss in your sock drawer.”