Devil Woman is real, say Cliff Richard fans

SEX abuse allegations against Sir Cliff Richard are the result of a long-standing feud with Devil Woman, it has been claimed.

Marjorie Robertson

Fans of Sir Cliff have revealed that he used a 1976 pop song to expose the demonic femme fatale, sparking a 38-year tit-for-tat conflict between the Christian singer and his satanic nemesis.

Senior fan Jane Thompson said: “Devil Woman is not the product of some songwriter’s imagination, she is a real person. She was born Marjorie Robertson in Yeovil in 1954. By the age of 21 she had become a full-time satanist and Lucifer’s most trusted minion in the South West.

“As one of the world’s most important Christians, Sir Cliff was a target and sure enough she tried to assassinate him for the first time in 1975, the year Billie Jean King won her sixth Wimbledon singles title.

“He escaped, thanks to Sue Barker’s amazing upper body strength, and then quickly assembled a team of crack songwriters so that Christianity could hit back, quick and hard.

“When Devil Woman got to number nine the following June, it was a huge victory for Jesus. But the evil within Robertson is particularly strong.”

Thompson added: “Since then we have been engaged in a secret battle for the soul of Britain. A battle so intense that Cliff was never able to forge a long-term relationship, not even with Sue Barker, the woman who lifted him over her head and threw him into a bin lorry.

“And now Devil Woman has escalated this conflict once again with these baseless accusations. We must hope and pray that the police and judicial system are able to resist Marjorie Robertson’s powerful sexuality.”

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Tian Tian's pregnancy blog

MY first wee problem in that the smell of bamboo is giving me the boke.

How had I never realised before the stuff is fucking rank? Like a bottle of Tippex mixed with old man’s pish. I had to ask the zookeepers to take it all away and bury it.

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