Sunday, 9th May 2021

Don't get excited, I've seen it, it's shit, says Kate

THE Duchess of Cambridge has warned Britain not to bother waiting for photos of her new nephew because he is ‘bang average’. 

Kate spent less than a minute holding the baby before handing it back, and was photographed smoking on the cottage patio five minutes later telling a friend that it is ‘small and not the best-looking baby ever’. 

She continued: “They’ll release the photos later on or something and you’ll see for yourself. It’s meh. 

“Sorry, I should say he, but you can’t really tell. It’s just scrunched up and red. My George was so cute, even as a newborn when you couldn’t tell he was going to be King. 

“And my second was a real princess, you know? An actual for reals Princess. Not like theirs would’ve been if they’d had a girl, which they might as well as because they’re basically Kardashians.” 

The Duchess added: “Don’t get worked up about the name, either. It’s ghastly.”