THE Duke of York has warned senior Royals that he does not want to go on Love Island but he will if he has to and he will f**king win.
Frozen out of royal life and demanding a way back in, Andrew is thought to have stumbled across Love Island last week and to immediately have realised he is a natural for it.
He said: “Single? Me. Lone tenuous claim to fame? Me. Perfected the art of appearing to listen to women while paying no attention whatsoever? Over many, many years.
“Flawless physique, fascinating gym routine, deep and abiding interest in women much younger than myself? I’m ticking every box here. At the age of 62 I have found my calling.
“Do I want to? Well, I’m much more used to being a Royal, standing on balconies in a uniform etcetera, but I think my skills would be transferable. And afterwards if you’re a successful couple you make appearances for money which is just like Ferg and me.
“If Ekin-Su wants to test my claim I can’t sweat first-hand, the invitation is extended. Yes I do still live with my mother but it’s a very big house.”
Nephew Prince William said: “It’s an absolute no, just like it was for Platinum Party at the Palace, Britain’s Got Talent and Bargain Hunt. Prick.”