A 35-YEAR-OLD man still to make up his mind about becoming a parent has not been asked about his plans by anyone, ever.
Claim examiner Joshua Hudson, who has frittered away his youth with work, the pub and the freedom to do whatever he likes, has not once been questioned about his plans to have children or warned about any ticking clock.
He said: “Are children as magical as mortgage adverts would have me believe, or should I just enjoy my life of uninterrupted conversations and spare cash? It seems it’s up to me.
“I’m not with anyone. Meeting the right woman, settling down, and having children could take years. I should start now but since there’s no-one on my back about doing it I’ll play Resident Evil instead and think about it again in a decade.”
Sister Anna said: “Mum’s been telling me I’d die full of regrets if I didn’t bring forth new life into the world ever since I started menstruating because she ‘didn’t want to be an old grandmother’.
“Josh is galloping towards 40 without any expectation he’ll ever nurture anything beyond the black mould in his bathroom. The twat.”
Hudson said: “It’s great not to have any stress to make this life-altering decision. Is this the patriarchy in action? Or does everyone think I’d be a shit Dad?”