Esther Rantzen present throughout human history

ESTHER Rantzen has been present at every key moment in human history, it has emerged.

Besides being involved in the Savile affair and the current police corruption scandal, the broadcaster has participated in every significant event including the Battle of Agincourt, the moon landing and the invention of the internet.

Rantzen said: “I don’t like to blow my own trumpet, but it was me who got the ancient Egyptians to build the pyramids, to raise money for Children in Need.

“And I doubt we’d have won the Battle of Agincourt if I hadn’t told Henry V, ‘Don’t just sit there like a wet dishcloth, go and give your men an inspiring speech!’

“It was the same with the Normandy landings. There’s no way the allied troops would have got off the beaches if I hadn’t taken out all those German machine gun nests.

“And goodness knows how Buzz and Neil would have got back from the Moon if I hadn’t been there to fix the thrusters with a bit of common sense and female intuition.”

Rantzen said she had also played a part in the discovery of fire, the Relief of Mafeking and the creation of the internet, which came about when she told Tim Berners-Lee it would be a good idea to connect lots of computers together.

She added: “I worked with Shakespeare on a play called The Smutty Vegetables of Stratford, which I would later develop into the hit series That’s Life!”

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Priceless collection of lost Athena posters discovered

A COLLECTION of original high street posters lost since the 1980s has been discovered in a bedroom in Bolton.

The artworks, which include the provocative Man Cannot Live On Beer Alone and an airbrushed cherry-red Ferrari Testarossa, were thought to be lost forever because everyone’s mum had thrown them out.

But the discovery of a teenage boy’s bedroom sealed since 1988 revealed, once the clouds of Aramis talcum powder had cleared, a treasure trove of mass-produced art.

Art critic Julian Cook said: “It’s a modernist collection, so without 1970s works such as Nude Couple With Big Swan and the poster that’s prized above all others by collectors, the famously enigmatic Arse-Scratching Tennis Venus.

“And the owner unfortunately didn’t have iconic works like Toddler in Flying Jacket or Topless Hunk with Baby because, according to his mother, he wasn’t a gay.”