Beckham memoir slams 'lacklustre' former hairdresser

DAVID Beckham has attacked the commitment of an “unimaginative” Cheshire hairdresser in his new autobiography.

The star is the latest footballing figure to settle scores in print, following Sven-Göran Eriksson’s criticism of Sir Alex Ferguson and Ferguson’s damning condemnation of Steven Gerrard as a mere top player.

Beckham blasted Nikki Hollis of Wilmslow’s Get Snipped or Dye Trying for failing to focus on a 2003 session which left a layered cut with too much weight at the top, making it impossible to properly style with wax.

He wrote: “It was obvious the minute she started to shape it around the crown. She’d lost focus, lost her passion and was just going through the motions for the financial rewards.

“I later found out she’d been making regular trips to Merseyside to bleach Abel Xavier’s roots and her head had clearly been turned by the chance of a big payday.”

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Dogs ready to have senses overloaded

DOGS around the UK are determined not to lose it this year when the banging starts.

Millions of pets are steeling themselves for an event that will massively overload every one of their highly-tuned senses.

Alsatian Tom Booker said: “There’s nothing like a combination of blinding lights, banging and the powerful stench of gunpowder to send ‘danger’ signals flashing through every neuron of my animal brain.

“This year though, I’m not getting under the table or running around the living room simultaneously barking and urinating.

“I’m mentally prepared, it’s very clear in my mind that this is all in the name of entertainment.”

He added: “As a dog, the concepts of history and parliament are impossible for me to fully grasp, but they are why this is happening.

“Also, in my mind I have formed the image of a calm, babbling brook in a sunny meadow, with birds singing and a light breeze. It’s a simple visualisation technique.

“I’m in a great – fuck. What the fuck was that? Okay, it’s just a car alarm. Fuck, shit. Okay, I’m fine.”