Famous women celebrate Famous Women’s Day

VARIOUS actresses, musicians and the Kardashians have celebrated a day for famous females who want to get a bit more famous.

Around the globe, publicity opportunities were undertaken by high-profile women determined to make things all about them.

Khloe Kardashian, who is best known for her work in existing, said: “We’re empowering women to buy great fragrances and lovely shiny magazines.

“Live strong sisters, or whatever.”

In major cities around the globe, women who have been photographed in their pants for GQ marched alongside other, less relevant female civilians.

Bank manager Emma Bradford said: “I’m glad I didn’t get my photo taken today because I don’t deserve it, I’m just a normal.

“Being famous is the way forward, not just for women but for humanity as a whole.

“The media has our best interests at heart.”

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Suspiciously talented footballers invade pitch at Villa Park

POLICE are trying to identify 11 men dressed in claret and blue shirts who invaded the pitch at Villa Park and played effective attacking football.

The impostors infiltrated the playing surface during Aston Villa’s encounter with West Bromwich Albion last week, only arousing suspicion when they exchanged a series of incisive passes followed up by meaningful attempts on target.

The Football Association has pledged to locate the intruders before they rob Villa fans of the dour 0-0 draws they have come to expect.

An FA spokesman said: “The suspects look a lot like Villa players, but their creativity in midfield immediately set alarm bells ringing.

“We would urge the public to be vigilant and let us know if they witness any more pinpoint crosses or nicely-weighted through balls at Villa Park, basically anything that looks out of place.”

Villa fan Stephen Malley said: “It set a terrible example to my kids. I covered their eyes when the shots on target started.”