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Forget Diana? Nonsense. I still remember every single man she was adulterous with

By Norman Steele, former tabloid journalist and divorcee

I COULD never forget Diana. Her radiance, her kindness, her compassion, and the identity of every man with whom she violated the sanctity of her marriage.

‘We’ll forget her soon enough,’ or so her brother says Charles callously told him. Nonsense. Forget the Princess of Hearts? Forget England’s Rose? Why, I can’t even forget Oliver Hoare.

Don’t pretend the name isn’t familiar. Oliver Hoare, the married art dealer who received many, many late-night anonymous heavy-breathing calls from Kensington Palace, apparently 300 in one evening? If all of us had been so lucky.

And the name of James Gilbey cannot fail but to trigger reminiscence. Squidgygate? The tape of their conversation in which she bore the charming nickname Squidge, for entirely innocent non-genital reasons?

Though of course he is overshadowed in our collective memory by James Hewitt, the dashing polo player who whacked the ball of his devotion into the open goal of Diana’s heart. Such a wonderful head of red hair he had, I remember particularly for no reason.

Also there was Barry Mannakee, her protection officer, and England rugby captain Will Carling, and oh, such a Proustian rush of recollection on just hearing those names. JFK Jr, Bryan Adams, each one so evocative of times of happiness now long gone.

So forget your ‘forget Diana’, Charles. I have not forgotten a single one of her lovers and often spend whole evenings, curtains drawn, imagining I am one of those so blessed. And so, I firmly believe, does the British public.

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Reform candidates arrested as precautionary measure

ANYONE applying to be a Reform candidate will be interviewed by the police to be on the safe side.

After the arrest of Welsh Reform leader Dan Thomas, and earlier his predecessor Nathan Gill, plus other ongoing investigations, the new process will see nominees voluntarily hand themselves in to the police in the first place.

Reform spokesman Jack Browne said: “It seemed silly to go through our own half-arsed screening process to select a candidate then just deselect them when ‘that incident at the fancy dress party’ or whatever comes to light.

“The police tend to be more thorough than we are, so it seems sensible for them to give people a once-over first. Under caution, obviously.

“To this end we’ve produced a document for candidates to give to the police during questioning to streamline the process, with suggested topics such as ‘Things I said on Facebook’, ‘Things I’ve done driving my car’ and ‘Reasons I’m divorced’.

“If they leave the police station without bail conditions they’ll be given a Reform Candidate Certificate stating ‘The police say I haven’t done anything bad yet’ and will be allowed to complete their application.”

Browne added: “It’ll get a bit complicated when the candidate is an ex-copper but I’m sure a quick chat with a former colleague at their lodge meeting will suffice.”

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