BONO is promoting Surrender, his autobiography describing his life via the songs of U2. Might it be the tiniest bit self-important? Read these selected excerpts and decide for yourself.
Meeting Barack Obama
I had cocktails at the White House with Obama, or Bazza, as he insists on me calling him. ‘Bono, you would make a great president. I’m shit at it compared to you,’ he said. I considered taking over, but a free spirit like me has to do things his own way. However I’ve said I’ll step in as POTUS if Earth needs saving from nuclear war, a massive meteorite or a godzilla.
Talking to God
Sometimes I hear a tiny voice pleading for help, saying things like ‘Almighty Bono, how can I be a better omnipotent deity?’ It’s clearly God asking for my advice. I always set him straight on world peace, ending poverty and how to give Jesus his own space. I know he appreciates it because I won 20 Euros on the Irish lotto the other day. He works in mysterious ways.
The creative process
How do you explain genius? Here’s my humble attempt. First I write some words. It’s good if they rhyme a bit, and are about a big subject, eg. the entire history and culture of America. Some artists say they channel a higher creative power, but I find it’s more worthwhile to channel me. Then I instruct the others how to do the song: ‘play the guitar fast, Dave’, ‘sad’, or ‘quieter so you can hear my vocals’. And hey presto – another unforgettable U2 mega-hit like Love Rescue Me.
The secret of a perfect marriage
I’ve been with my wife Ali for 40 blissful years. My advice? Always put your partner first. Every birthday without fail I present her with a poem by me, or a tape of me on acoustic guitar. Or I might get her some ear plugs. Ali absolutely loves ear plugs and has a massive collection, as well as AirPods and industrial ear muffs. She suffers from overly sensitive hearing, she says.
Being a Writer
Obviously I’ve written lots of U2 lyrics, but this is my first book. I shouldn’t be surprised, but I found it piss-easy. I could write a great novel like Dostoyevsky or Frederick Forsyth, but it’s more important to set out my own life and thoughts for future generations. And aliens, who, if they’re not here already, will want to spread my message across the universe.
Evolving into a being of pure energy
I sometimes feel myself moving onto a higher plane of consciousness where I become one with the eternal song of the cosmos and its infinite wisdom, usually after about eight pints of Guinness. Don’t worry though – I’ll be back to do gigs and write books like this, recommended retail price £12.50 at all good bookshops. If they haven’t got it, ask them to order it and put it somewhere prominent, not behind the Nigella Christmas cookbooks.
