Saturday, 8th May 2021

Group of celebrities get together to shut the f**k up

A GROUP of A-list celebrities have gotten together to shut the f**k up, with all the money raised going to charity. 

Stars including Mariah Carey, Robert Downey Jr, Gordon Ramsey, Missy Elliott, Hugh Jackman and Bono have agreed to help during these strange times by not getting in the public’s faces with their bullshit for a bit.

The Walking Dead’s Andrew Lincoln said: “I play the part of a zombie-killing sheriff on TV. Does anyone need to hear from me right now? Do they bollocks.

“So we’re holing up, enjoying our yes large houses, and giving the locked-down public what it wants by not flaunting our shitty abstract art and 66th-floor balconies on laptop cameras. For charity.”

Model Heidi Klum added: “We want people to know we care, but also that ultimately means nothing and you couldn’t give a fuck as long as we keep it shut.

“It also has the benefit of us not irritating the world with our recipes, vacuous platitudes, or idiot theories about how the pandemic is spreading. All proceeds go to food banks.”