Monday, 8th March 2021

Harry placed 110,001st in line to the throne behind Danny Dyer

THE media has demanded that the Duke of Sussex be moved from sixth in line to the throne to 110,001th, behind the Duke of Walford. 

Following Harry and Meghan’s latest announcement that they do not give a f**k what British newspapers say because they are in California, an incensed press has demanded that the EastEnders actor be placed above him in the line of succession.

Unofficial Buckingham Palace spokesman Piers Morgan said: “Harry has betrayed every man, woman and child in Britain. He is no longer fit to walk around Nottingham town centre, smiling at people and asking ‘What do you do?’

“As we all know, Danny Dyer is not only pure-bred Royalty but like Diana he has the common touch, as evidenced by his meeting many of Britain’s deadliest men.

“What’s more his daughter Dani has proved herself to be a true princess by winning the fourth series of ITV2’s Love Island in 2018. Haughty Meghan wouldn’t have lasted past the first coupling.

“Should anything happen to William or his children, the nation would be relieved to know that Danny was available to step in and plant the nut on anyone dissing Her Maj. Proper naughty.”

A spokesman for the Duke and Duchess of Sussex said: “I am informed that, in the unlikely event he were to be offered the throne, Harry would not deign to even shit on it.”