Harry Styles, and other pop stars that get away with a lot because they're fit

TODAY’S music stars do a plethora of questionable things, but we indulge them because they’re pretty. Here are some of the worst, and fittest, offenders:

Harry Styles and his acting

Like many other musicians before him, Styles has made the leap from hot person singing to hot person saying words in a film. The fact that he’s a poor actor, and even worse in promotional interviews, is a moot point. He’s gorgeous, so we’ll put up with his hammy attempts just to be able to look at his lovely face on the big screen.

Dua Lipa and her international faux pas

From openly globetrotting during international lockdowns to accidentally endorsing extreme Albanian nationalism,  there have been many occasions where Dua, to use her own lyrics, ‘should have stayed at home’. But if she did we wouldn’t get as many stunningly presented music videos and beautiful selfies, so it has to be allowed.

Shakira and her tax fraud

Unlike those famously truthful hips, Shakira is alleged to have told some porkies on her tax returns to the tune of £12.9 million. Prosecutors are seeking an eight-year prison sentence, but it’s not really fair to the rest of the world if her beauty is hidden away behind bars, is it? She should be let off for the good of humanity.

Rihanna and her lack of new music

Rihanna has only broken her lengthy new music drought with a lone single, so we should be asking ourselves whether she’s even relevant anymore. However, given her absolute hotness we would endure another 60 years with nothing but ads for her Fenty make up and still pretend she was a cutting-edge pop star.

Alex Turner and his own wankery

Unlike Rihanna, Arctic Monkeys have supplied us with plenty of music in the form of albums that have only become more and more niche and navel-gazing. Are we expected to lap it all up just because the frontman has the appearance of the perfect poet boyfriend we never had? Yes, we are. And we will.

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We will pay you £100 right now to f**k off, parents tell PTA

PARENTS have told their school’s PTA that they will happily give them £100 now in order for them to f**k off for the rest of December.

After being asked to attend a Christmas fayre, mince pie sale and cracker-making workshop this weekend alone, families already stressed by the demands of the season have confirmed they just want a bit of peace.

Parent Emma Bradford said: “I am of course very grateful to the people who give up their time to improve the school but f**k me, they’re demanding this time of year.

“This week we’ve already had Christmas jumper day, been asked to bring in old toys for the raffle and had to attend two separate carol concerts. I love my children but they’re shit singers.

“And now we have to schlep into school on a Saturday to chaperone a load of kids off their tits on excitement, and weary parents will be guilt-tripped into buying a load of expensive tat to raise funds for the infants’ new Wellness Zone.

“I attempted to avoid being press-ganged into helping by wearing sunglasses to pick up my kids, but the PTA has eyes everywhere and I ended up agreeing to man the tombola for four hours.

“I’ve got a hip flask of gin, though. That should help numb the pain.”