THE grandparent you are dutifully visiting for Christmas has confirmed that she will not be putting the England-France game on, thank you.
Grandmother Margaret Gerving, aged 90, has advised that you will be staying for the evening as she has bought sherry but that she cannot be doing with any of that football nonsense.
She continued: “It’s not like it’s the World Cup, is it? It is? What’s that on at this time of year for, ruining Christmas?
“No, your granddad and I don’t hold with it. A lot of louts is what they are, spitting and swearing and their WAGs are no better. We had a word for them in the 1950s.
“Even when we won the World Cup we didn’t watch. I told Dennis to turn it off and put the wireless on. Is Gazza still playing? I never liked him. Spoilt. Too fat in the face.
“You can watch it on the catch-up, that’s what all you youngsters do, and it’s not every day you visit your old granny, is it? Stop messing with your phone and I’ll open the Peek Freans.”
Later in the evening you fancy you hear cheering from the streets outside, but perhaps it is only the blowing of the winter wind.