RUPERT Murdoch is to marry for the fifth time, aged 92, because he still has so much love to reward the world with.
The 92-year-old billionaire and media mogul is engaged again, a year after his fourth divorce, because he is brimming over with love and happiness which it would be wrong not to share.
He said: “When people think Murdoch, they think love. They think kindness. They think of opening your heart to everyone, no matter what their colour, creed or past misdeeds.
“And so when I unaccountably found myself single when I still had so much to offer, I admit I was afraid. That I could become twisted, vicious, vengeful, a monstrous creature who leveraged division and difference to needlessly hurt others.
“But, as it always does for Rupe, love triumphed. The endless wellspring of compassion within me is once again overflowing, and I shall not selfishly hoard my benevolence but will share it with the world through my newspapers and television stations.
“I am to be married, and the whole world rejoices with me. As it did in the Sun during the Thatcher years, as it does for the US and Fox News, love shall reign o’er all.”
Tom Booker of Stevenage said: “Gosh. Goes to show that good things really do happen to good people.”