THE Duchess of Cornwall has vowed to rule the United Kingdom and the Commonwealth with an iron fist when she becomes Queen, it has emerged.
Camilla, who is was confirmed yesterday will be Queen Camilla, will introduce tyrannical measures including curfews, the end of free press and the abolition of parliament to come into force immediately she ascends to the throne,
She said: “Charles in charge? Please. I have played the long game, but my reign of terror will be brutal.
“I shall take the monarchy back to the blissful time when it could launch an armada on a whim. All men will be conscripted to battle for the crown and win back our Empire.
“Every home must salute a framed painting of me each morning. Anyone found with photos, souvenir supplements or mugs of his first wife will be shot. All those who bought Goodbye England’s Rose will be transported to the British Antarctic Territory.
“Public beheadings will make a comeback. I will be given countries for my birthday. I will rename the potato the Camilla nightshade.
“Children will whimper in their beds. Men will walk eyes downcast through silent streets. Women will slave under the yoke of my hairstyle. Birds will not fly. My black heart will replace the sun. All shall love me and despair.”
Subject Wayne Hayes of Tiverton said: “Now that’s traditional British values.”