I will reign with an iron fist, says Camilla

THE Duchess of Cornwall has vowed to rule the United Kingdom and the Commonwealth with an iron fist when she becomes Queen, it has emerged.

Camilla, who is was confirmed yesterday will be Queen Camilla, will introduce tyrannical measures including curfews, the end of free press and the abolition of parliament to come into force immediately she ascends to the throne,

She said: “Charles in charge? Please. I have played the long game, but my reign of terror will be brutal.

“I shall take the monarchy back to the blissful time when it could launch an armada on a whim. All men will be conscripted to battle for the crown and win back our Empire.

“Every home must salute a framed painting of me each morning. Anyone found with photos, souvenir supplements or mugs of his first wife will be shot. All those who bought Goodbye England’s Rose will be transported to the British Antarctic Territory.

“Public beheadings will make a comeback. I will be given countries for my birthday. I will rename the potato the Camilla nightshade.

“Children will whimper in their beds. Men will walk eyes downcast through silent streets. Women will slave under the yoke of my hairstyle. Birds will not fly. My black heart will replace the sun. All shall love me and despair.”

Subject Wayne Hayes of Tiverton said: “Now that’s traditional British values.”

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Neighbours is elitist woke lefty propaganda that should have been cancelled years ago, by Nadine Dorries

NEIGHBOURS is facing the axe? Good. For decades, woke broadcasters have rammed ivory tower ultra-liberal politics down our throats using sneering Aussie Marxists. 

Instead of a daytime soap reflecting traditional British values of foxhunting, deregulation and tight-knit communities of Irish Catholic immigrants, our masters attempt to dictate our values from on high. And they’re oh so predictable.

Daphne the stripper can retire and live a respectable life! Don’t worry about the collapse of the nuclear family, Jim Robinson will take in any and all runaways! It’s fine for a doctor to live in a van! People called Toadfish can be part of society!

Not one ordinary Briton truly believes this. They know that Daphne should have died working the streets, that Vietnam veteran Robinson would have not one ounce of compassion, that Toadfish would rightly be drowned in Lassiters’ lake.

But, hypnotised by the BBC’s relentless twice-a-day broadcasts, they were tricked into believing there could be a world of sunshine, of happiness, of amnesiac resurrections, of good neighbours being good friends rather than key tools of the surveillance state.

The British public rejected Neighbours long ago. They turned away from the lie. They rejected the anti-business propaganda that saw wealth creator Paul Robinson branded ‘evil’ just because of his evil deeds.

I for one hope that Erinsborough realises its error. That it spends its final months arguing that Australia should relinquish its status as an independent nation and return to British rule. That Scott and Charlene return and explicitly back Brexit.

Also the licence fee should be abolished immediately and the BBC defunded. Again, this is just something everyone in Britain wants.