Sunday, 9th May 2021

'I wore Heelys,' admits Captain Tom

CAPTAIN Sir Tom Moore has admitted that his fundraising walk around his own garden was only completed using Heelys. 

The war veteran, due to receive his knighthood from the Queen today, confessed that he used the wheeled shoes to make his charity walk easier and should really hand the money back.

He said: “It was only intended to raise a few hundred quid. I didn’t think anyone would notice.

“I’m 99 years old, for Christ’s sake. You can’t expect me to endlessly walk around my own garden without a bit of help.

“Every time the press popped round to film me I made sure it looked like I was making an effort. But when the cameras stopped rolling I threw my walking frame aside, leant back on my heels and coasted my way to the target.

“As the donations shot up past £100K I started to worry. Lying to GMTV’s one thing, everybody does that, but lying to the monarch of the realm? Unforgivable.”

Her Majesty said: “Bloody Heelys? Sickening. On reflection, it would have been better if Hitler won the war.”