Monday, 20th January 2020

'Is she evil?' Queen asks Harry

THE Queen has told Prince Harry that if his wife is a demon who tricked him into marriage to enslave him then everyone would understand. 

During a crisis meeting at Sandringham, the Queen advised her grandson that there is no shame in accidentally marrying someone who is pure evil and has vowed to destroy the monarchy, adding that it would ‘not be the first time’. 

The Queen said: “At first, she seemed lovely, but then over the last year or so she’s changed and become quite wicked like Angelina Jolie in Maleficent, or Nicole Kidman in To Die For. Is that fair to say? 

“She seems especially to dislike the tabloid newspapers, which seems harmless enough on the face of it, but in my experience means she has the corrupted heart of a succubus.

“Have you started to think evil thoughts yourself? Like ‘What is the purpose of my life?’ or ‘Would I be happier as a lumberjack?’.

“We can get the Archbishop of Canterbury to perform an exorcism. He’s totally up for it.”