I’ve met some dickheads in my time but wow, says Queen

THE Queen is marvelling that, after 66 years on the throne, she has just met the biggest knobhead of her reign so far. 

Her Majesty, who is 92 years old, thought she had seen it all before but admitted to servants that, boy, was she wrong.

She continued: “My jaw’s still on the floor. I have never in all my life spoken to such a colossal dickhead, and I’ve met Robert Mugabe.

“Seriously, all the guys that are history to you? Nixon and Harold Macmillan and the Shah of Iran? I’ve met the lot, and they were a parade of walking cocks in suits, but this guy?

“Like one minute in he’s telling me that he has the Royal Warrant on his golf course. No you haven’t, you knob, and you know how I know you haven’t? Because it’s my warrant because I’m the fucking Queen.

“President? This dick makes dictators look democratic. Honestly Ceasescu, Emperor Hirohito and General Pinochet put together have nothing on this tool. What an absolute twat.”

She added: “Well I can’t abdicate now. The next one could be even worse and I’d hate to miss it.”