JESUS had a goatee for a bit but nobody was into it, it has emerged.
Researchers at the Institute for Studies have unearthed scrolls describing Jesus’s ‘goatee phase’ when he decided to try a different, sleeker look.
Professor Henry Brubaker said: “When Jesus arrived for a sermon with his new goatee, the disciples fell about in hysterics.
“Peter asked him if he’d been getting grooming tips off the devil. Everyone laughed and looked at him like he was cleverer than Jesus.
“This was the first time that anyone had really taken the piss out of Christ. He became angry and threatened to do a bad miracle on them, like turning them into farming equipment.
“Jesus then visited Mary to ask her opinion. She said it was ‘original’ and ‘good’. It seems obvious that she was lying, even if you didn’t have Jesus’s supernatural God-powers.
“That’s when Jesus went alone into the desert to let it grow out, and Satan appeared to tempt him with beard trimmers, offering to invent death metal and make Jesus frontman of a really popular band.”