Cat acting hard because he is outside

A CAT is acting tough because of being outside.

Male cat Martin Bishop, who is an idle comfort-obsessed bastard when in the house, is now doing his best ‘tiger walk’ on a shed roof.

He said: “When I’m outside I like to jump on really high things for no reason. My vibe is that I’m ‘on patrol’.

“If anyone tries to stroke me out here, I’ll run away or glare at them because I’ve got hardcore stuff going on, like the cat equivalent of a secret CIA mission.

“Maybe I’ll go to a random difficult-to-reach place like fairly high up in a tree, just so that when people see me through the kitchen window they know I am a badass.

“I wouldn’t go in a shed though because you can get stuck in sheds and I am claustrophobic.”