Jubilation as young couple's home given to disgraced sex case uncle

THE UK is cheering after a young family’s house was snatched from them and given to an unrepentant associate of serious sex offenders.

Frogmore Cottage, which is for decent and dutiful Royals to live in, not media-hating monsters like the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, has been rightly taken away to become the new home of good old Prince Andrew.

A Palace aide said: “It made Britain sick, a nice little cottage like that being reserved for the likes of them. After all they’ve got up to over in America. It’s indefensible.

“They’ve got no right to a grace-and-favour home after the lies they’ve told. So it’s being given to Prince Andrew instead, a nice honest fellow who’s never done anything to upset anyone.

“They spent £2.4m of their own money just three years ago to make it a perfect family home and now it’ll be the residence of a 62-year-old single man with a history of questionable friendships. Serves them bloody right.

“I, and the whole country, hope he rubs his aged genitals all along their precious copper bath and sends them the video. Actually it should be in the King’s speech next Christmas. Give the country a real lift.”

The Duke of York said: “It seems like a lovely little place. Secluded. Well away from prying eyes.”

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Man who says weed doesn't affect him oddly refusing to prove it

A MAN who is impervious to marijuana is strangely reluctant to give it another go.

Medical wonder Ryan Whittaker claims he does not experience a high or any other typical effects from the Class B drug, but despite his immunity is refusing to have just a little bit to check.

Whittaker said: “I’m one of those people it has absolutely no effect on. Doesn’t matter if I smoke one joint or ten. Nothing. It’s honestly really frustrating.

“There’s nothing more I’d like than to kick back with a big fat spliff after a day at the office. But I might as well be breathing in normal air for all the effect it has on me. I know, it’s really weird.”

Talking in a strained voice while holding his breath and waving his hand in front of his face, Whittaker continued: “That’s why I’m not having any of that joint. It’s pointless. And it would be a waste.”

Friend Tom Booker said: “The last time Ryan smoked weed he kept asking if his mouth looked weird. Then he ate a whole block of cheese before going to bed at 4:30pm.”