KATE Middleton has set up her own secret wedding list at John Lewis, it emerged last night.
Prince William’s fiancee has told friends it was his idea to ask for charitable donations instead of presents and that it’s just a lot of ‘hippy bollocks’.
A close friend said: “There was a row. Kate was shouting ‘this is exactly the sort of new age shit your fucking dad would come up with’ before throwing a priceless vase at him and screaming, ‘I want that fucking duvet cover, you baldy prick’.
“Eventually she was sedated by one of the Queen’s vets but as soon as she woke up she was straight on the phone to John Lewis.
“I’m getting her the vibrating egg.”
Another friend said: “Kate’s just a normal girl who wants loads and loads of stuff.
“She’s from a middle class family who had to work for what they have, so getting stuff and then finding subtle ways to make sure people know how much it cost is incredibly important to her.
“Whereas William is from a family where nothing has any value because no-one has ever earned anything or done anything.
“‘Charity work’ doesn’t count and neither does being in the RAF for 20 minutes just because you’re the ‘R’ and you fancy a go on the big helicopters.
“And if nothing has any value then he’s hardly going to get excited about going round John Lewis with a zapper and having a snippy little argument about some fucking teapot.
“I give the whole thing six months before she runs off with Gary Barlow.”