Thursday, 13th May 2021

Kate wears ordinary dress that cost two grand

THE UK has apparently gone wild for a perfectly ordinary, boring dress worn by the Duchess of Cambridge that cost almost two fucking grand.

The garment, which you would flip past on the rack at a charity shop with a shudder, did not even look that good on Kate and, just to be clear, cost the best part of two thousand quid.

Donna Sheridan of Guildford said: “£1,750 to look like an Edwardian maid on her Sunday trip to church? Too right I’m going wild, but more in a sort of ‘Oh fuck right off’ way.

“From the prim little collar to the polka-dotted sweep of excruciating dullness, this dress is truly remarkable and what’s remarkable about it is the fucking cost.

“It’s the price of a decent used car just to dress as an evil nanny doing her best to look innocent at the beginning of a horror film before she starts murdering people.”

Fashion expert Helen Archer said: “Sadly, this dress is already sold out across the country to frosty women who want it absolutely clear that they will suffer sex for conception only.

“And they also have to have two grand spare. Two fucking grand.”