Kate Winslet, and five other celebrities convinced their children are creative geniuses

KATE Winslet has followed appearing in a film with her daughter by starring in a film written by her son. She, and these celebrities, should realise talent isn’t genetic:

Kate Winslet, daughter Mia Threapleton and son Joe Anders

Just three years on from starring in I Am Ruth with her daughter, which nobody much minded because it was on Channel 4 so it didn’t cost anything, Winslet has ushered her son into the spotlight with Goodbye June, a film he wrote and she directed. Serious nepo babies like Dakota Johnson are saying ‘I didn’t need this much f**king help.’

Daniel Day-Lewis and son Ronan Day-Lewis

Daniel came out of retirement to star in Anemone, co-written with his son who also directed it. His son was 26 and fresh out of university. This is a precocious age for a writer-director and not one associated with success, as reviews showed. Weird thing is, if Daniel had given his son a boost into his other trade, of cobbling, nobody would have objected.

Elizabeth Hurley and son Damien Hurley

Damien, after a lengthy and troubling apprenticeship as personal photographer for his mum’s sexy shoots, moved up to writing and directing her in a movie. A straight-to-streaming movie of the kind she always appeared in. Perhaps theirs is an honest parent-child relationship where both agree that as it’s crap anyway, he might as well get paid.

Kate Bush and son Bertie McIntosh

Another legend whose desire to fulfil her offspring’s dreams brought her back to performance, Kate’s belief in her 16-year-old son’s skills as a creative director led to her Before The Dawn residency. It won rave reviews because it was Kate goddamn Bush performing live for the first time since 1979. Bertie’s contribution was less lauded.

Will Smith, Jada Pinkett-Smith, son Jaden Smith and daughter Willow Smith

Not so much a family as an incipient dynasty, the Smiths decided to divide and conquer: Willow would build on her father’s incredible musical career, while Jaden would become his equal as a movie star. Despite the couple and the Church of Scientology’s best efforts, this did not happen. Both still make music. You could listen to it any time, but you don’t.

Kanye West and daughter North West

Born a star because of her unassailable right to appear in any Kardashian reality shit, North has been encouraged by her father to follow in his demented footsteps. Career highlights include rapping on his albums in Japanese and rapping on a P Diddy track during his trial, at which he was found guilty. Yeah. Kanye, as ever, not really helping.

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Mum wants to know what your Christmas argument plans are

YOUR mother would like to know what you want to have a row about this Christmas so she can plan accordingly.

With Christmas just weeks away, your organised mum needs to find out if you are planning to get annoyed at your dad’s political views over dinner, or if you are more in the mood for getting pissed off with probing questions about your personal life.

Your mum said: “You threw a childish tantrum over what we got you for your big present last year, remember? The shirt and tie set? So I’m guessing you don’t want to do that again so soon.

“Unresolved traumas are always popular. Would you like me to dredge up some repressed memories I can drop into conversation at the worst possible moment? Coming last at sports day maybe? I’d be happy to do that if you give me some notice.

“Arguments about money are a bit predictable, and I expect everyone will be doing them this year. But if you’ve got your heart set on that then send me some recent bank statements and I’ll start finding criticisms of your income and spending.

“If you’re not fussed either way we’ll keep it simple with a squabble about when we’re opening presents or what to watch on TV. You know, the traditional disagreements.”

Your dad said: “I’ve already sorted out an argument about your mum’s cooking for Boxing Day, so try to avoid that topic.”