Wednesday, 12th May 2021

Labour to abolish all posh people except Phoebe Waller-Bridge

THE Labour conference has voted that all posh people will be made into commoners with the exception of Phoebe Waller-Bridge.

The latest policy prounouncement means that aristocrats and their titles will be liquidated and their inheritances nationalised, apart from the Emmy-winning Fleabag writer and star.

Shadow chancellor John McDonnell said: “The landed gentry have been a scourge of the working man ever since the enclosures of the 13th century. But my God, when she turns to the camera it gets you right there, doesn’t it?

“It’s ending injustice, pure and simple. Which really is what Fleabag’s all about, so Waller-Bridge clearly gets it and she can stay and be made, I don’t know, a Baroness?

“Jeremy is more of a Killing Eve fan but there’s no argument that she simply owns television in 2019, even if she is plummier than a greengrocers’ in September.

“I can’t wait for her Bond film. He’s a misogynist colonialist relic and all that, but I bet she’ll make it brilliant.”

Prominent Labour figures are thought to be working on dispensation appeals for other posh-but-popular characters like Stephen Fry and Joanna Lumley, but have been warned they will probably get the guillotine.