DRUGS belonging to deceased Beatle John Lennon are to be slightly re-vamped and then sold at exorbitant prices to obsessive, middle-aged Beatles fans.
The re-release of the slightly mildewy bag of Purple Hearts, unearthed in the Beatle's garden by foxes, will be accompanied by a huge marketing campaign and a 24-page spread in Q magazine.
Acid salesman Nathan Muir said: "This isn't any old acid, this is vintage, retro Beatles acid in a presentation box with a shiny booklet, a badge and some fold-out card things.
"The drugs have also been digitally remastered using a bit of cling flm and a microwave oven which guarantees trip quality infinitely superior to the dreadful non-Lennon acid you might buy off someone called Vinny outside the cider tent at a festival."
He added: "They are also numbered, limited edition, all that shit."
Martin Bishop, a 48-year-old Beatles fan and photocopier salesman, said: "Even though it makes me hate myself, I have to buy it.
"'Special collector's item bullshit music rehash things like this are the slender, expensive thread by which I remain connected to the tattered vestiges of my youth.
"I haven't been so excited since the release of the hugely expensive gilt-edged 98-CD box set featuring the fabled 'lost' recordings of Jimi Hendrix having a burping competition with a studio engineer.'
He added: 'I guess I've just never grown up. But not in a good way."