Man claims vague relationship with every Team GB medallist

A MAN claims to have worked with, played football against, babysat and lived next-door to each and every Team GB Olympics medalist.

Sales administrator Hayes claims to know the winners of all of Britain’s 41 medals, even getting the fencing team to help install his broadband.

Colleague Susan Traherne said: “Apparently he met Jess Ennis while they were both volunteering at a charity shop in Yeovil where Andy Murray turned up with a big bag of second-hand trainers.

“With each passing day there comes another story linking him with an athlete, and they are getting increasingly tenuous.

“It’s got to the point where I dread British athletes getting medals because I know the next day I’ll be hearing about how Wayne taught them to swim, dated their mother or helped them install loft insulation.”

However, Hayes seems unperturbed by the doubters and has instead stated loudly how much he hopes Alistair Brownlee secures a gold medal in the triathlon.

Wayne Hayes said: “Me and Al go way back. He’s my cousin’s husband’s sister’s friend and I showed him how to do poached eggs.

“Have I told you about the time I served Usain Bolt when I worked in Dixons?

“Nice guy.”