ASTRONAUT Tim Peake has confirmed that his school’s careers advisor can stick his Boots application forms up his arse.
As he prepares to join the crew of the International Space Station, Peake confirmed that being an astronaut is an actual job despite what bitter adults tell you when you are a kid.
He said: “When I was 15 I had to do that nonsense where you go to see a careers person who has a temporary office in a stationery cupboard.
“When I said I wanted to be an astronaut they suggested I work at Boots, the local bank or perhaps become a trainee butcher.
“He also gave me a leaflet about apprenticeships in a shoe factory in Swindon. I said I wanted a leaflet about how to be an astronaut, in space.
“They replied simply ‘fannying about in space is not a job’ and suggested that if I was interested in long journeys I could work as a salesperson in a travel agency.
“The first thing I’m going to do when we get to the ISS is go up to a window and give my old careers advisor the space finger.”
He added: “I am an astronaut and it is the bollocks.”