Man would tell everyone how bored of royal wedding he is if only they'd bring it up

A MAN is ready and waiting to share his supreme boredom at the forthcoming royal wedding as soon as it comes up. 

IT manager Nathan Muir will not be paying attention to the wedding of Harry and Meghan in any way, not that his colleagues know that because they keep talking about Who Wants To Be A Millionaire instead. 

He said: “You can’t get less interested in the wedding than me. Literally meh. 

“I’ve actually booked May 19th, which is the date, off to avoid it though Marie who does the diary acted like she didn’t know full well why, probably because she’s an ardent royalist. 

“I mean I am ready to scoff the second they start. I’ll yawn and say ‘Sorry, is this someone we know? Then why are we talking about them?’ 

“Then when they start defending themselves I’ll say ‘Man and woman get married, big whoop,’ put them in their place. When it comes up. Which it will soon, probably.” 

Colleague Susan Traherne said: “You know who I like? Harry. Harry Styles.” 

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Scottish drinkers can now only buy Frosty Jack's with Bitcoin

IF YOU want to buy a bottle of Frosty Jack’s cider in Scotland you can now only pay for it using Bitcoin, it has been confirmed.

A Scottish government spokesman said: “We’ve never used Bitcoin but it sounds really complicated, so it’s a great way to deter problem drinkers. You’re not going to download a special browser or whatever just to get leathered.

“Actually you might do, it depends how determined you are I suppose.”

Sparkling cider fan Roy Hobbs said: “My life went to shit a few years back after my wife left and I lost my job and then I started drinking myself into oblivion.

“And now to top it off I’ve got to figure out how to use peer-to-peer transactions that are verified through network nodes and cryptography.

“If the bloke who came up with that hadn’t been drinking Frosty Jack’s then I’d be very surprised.”