Kanye claims Boosts are best chocolate bar

RAPPER and dickhead Kanye West has claimed Cadbury’s Boost is the best chocolate bar of all time.

West, who is known for his argumentative manner and deliberately antagonistic opinions, claims Boosts are the greatest chocolate bar even though intelligent people know they are claggy and difficult to chew.

He said: “Fuck Wispas, fuck Mars Bars and fuck those wafer-ass Kinder Buenos. I’m all about Boosts.

“I like a very dense chocolate bar that practically pulls your teeth out with each bite, and I like how the Boost’s exterior ripple effect makes it look like a human shit.

“I know people will hate on me for saying this but I am a genius and I know chocolate like nobody else on this planet.”

West also claimed that Jaws 3 is better than Jaws ‘because it’s in 3D’ and that hedgehogs do not really exist.

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Ask a Brexit doctor: Liam Fox answers your health questions

BELIEVE it or not, I am a real doctor and when I’m not negotiating superb trade deals I like to keep my hand in. Here I reply to your health queries.

Felicity from Crewe asks: I recently became dangerously ill after eating cashews and my GP says all the evidence points to a nut allergy. What do you think?

Dr Fox replies: Felicity, if we all listened to ‘evidence’ there’d be no Brexit! Eat as many nuts as you like and don’t listen to the doomsayers.

Ben from Putney asks: Do I need any injections before going on holiday in Europe?

Dr Fox replies: In my opinion every British citizen needs to be inoculated against the sickness of the evil European superstate with a large dose of Hard Brexit! On a more practical note, get a tetanus jab.

Linda from St Ives asks: I’ve been diagnosed with a degenerative eye condition but I am scared of having surgery. What should I do?

Dr Fox replies: I’m not an eye expert, Linda, but who needs experts? Try reducing your caffeine intake and, if all else fails, do some stretching exercises.

Rachel from Leeds asks: I’ve recently started having panic attacks in which I become short of breath and just want to run out of the room. Do you have any advice?

Dr Fox replies: This happens to me whenever I think about all those trade deals I haven’t done. I find the best cure is a large amount of expensive wine in a luxury hotel.