Margot Robbie, and other celebrity crushes for unimaginative blokes

ARE you a straight man and a basic bitch who’s never had an independent thought in his life? These are the famous women you fancy by default: 

Margot Robbie

You’re not enough of a deep thinker to realise The Wolf of Wall Street was anything but aspirational, and ever since the nude scene you’ve had a bit of a soft spot for this gorgeous, blonde, model-like Australian with a 1,000 kilowatt smile. How unexpected of you.

Megan Fox

It’s been a few years now, but you still remember that intro scene from Transformers like it was yesterday. Bending over a motorbike? Because she’s a mechanic? Now that’s challenging sexist stereotypes. Ever since, something about this brunette sexpot with the incredible curves just spoke to your soul.

Emily Ratajkowski

Some men say the skinny-but-busty look isn’t for them. Not you, though. You find beauty in the most unexpected of places, like on the Instagram page of a world-famous fashion model.

Scarlett Johansson

Woah there. It’s been a few years since ScarJo was constantly topping the Sexiest Women In The World lists – and yet you still wouldn’t kick her out of bed? Your continued interest in the curvaceous blonde bombshell speaks to your wonderfully idiosyncratic taste in women.

Kim Kardashian

The naysayers might criticise Kim and the rest of her family as vapid and talentless, but you’re able to look past the constant sniping to what really matters – her perfect hourglass figure and unreasonably large arse.

Jennifer Lawrence

You’ve shown yourself above the common herd with your passion for this pretty, conventionally attractive woman who isn’t just a model but won an Oscar. What’s more you’ve fancied her ever since The Hunger Games, where she was a kick-ass hero. Truly you are highbrow in your sexual preferences.

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I told you it wouldn't be worth making the trip, says Prince William

A VINDICATED Prince of Wales believes he made the right call by not flying to Australia to cheer on the Lionesses because they lost.

The Football Association president confirmed that he only supports winners, the Lionesses were lucky not to have been five-nil down against Spain and he had no desire to be humiliated in front of Queen Letizia.

He said: “It would have been a waste of time, and my time is pretty damn valuable.

“The score would have been the same even if I was in the crowd making thoughtful expressions whenever the camera cut to me, and this way I got to watch Sunday Morning Live in bed.

“I think it’s no secret that I don’t consider football a sport – and women don’t play rugby, cricket or Eton fives, ergo they don’t play sport – so my little video message was more than enough.

“Condemning me to a 48-hour round trip on private jet would have been inhumane. It’s not like I can just drop everything at a moment’s notice. I have Royal business to attend to.

He added: “Oh, and Mary Earps was totally off her line. Not that it makes any difference now, I suppose.”