Mark Wahlberg confirmed as god of incredibly average men

UNINTERESTING men have hailed Mark Wahlberg as their god.

Wahlberg, who has slightly less screen presence than Roly from Grange Hill, earned $68 million last year from a series of shit films, mostly about massive robots.

Run-of-the-mill bloke Tom Logan, 35, said: “I have always felt criminally under-represented in film and television because I am about as interesting as a microwave instruction manual.

“But the humdrum have been marginalised for too long. Mark Wahlberg’s success is a beacon of hope for those of us who have been lightly beaten with the averageness stick.

“I will go forth into the world now with a new sense of confidence. If Wahlberg can earn a shitload of money by mumbling at a camera, then I can do it to by being an IT solutions support specialist.”