Media still unable to find photo of Trump looking even vaguely normal

NEWS outlets are unable to find a picture of Donald Trump where he doesn’t look like an absolute maniac, it has been confirmed.

Every picture taken of Trump, since he rose to fame as a symbol of the eighties’ greed and arrogance, has been deemed to make him look ‘odd at best’, while more recent photos make him look like the end-of-level boss in a Nintendo martial arts game.

News website editor Tom Booker said: “We are constantly accused of bias for making him look ‘like that’.

“But ‘like that’ is what he looks like.”

A White House insider said: “We were hoping that the picture of him holding up a baby when he was running for election would have humanised him but if anything he just looked like he was about to eat the baby.

“Even when he took the oath everyone was still just focused on his tiny hands that are too small to even warrant a weight division in a boxing match.

“There is that picture of him taking the piss out of a disabled journalist. It doesn’t make him look normal but it’s definitely a good representation of him as a person.”


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Man has strange need to undermine homelessness

A MAN has a strange desire to downplay homelessness whenever it is mentioned, it has emerged.

Following reports that the number of rough sleepers is increasing, Roy Hobbs yet again started insisting that people sleeping on the pavement is not really a problem.

Office manager Hobbs said: “A lot of them are only doing it until they get a place in a hostel, so that’s not really homelessness, more like ‘urban camping’.

“Some are foreign, so they don’t count because they’d be sleeping on the street in their own country anyway. They probably think a change is as good as a rest.”

Hobbs has shared his views on the internet where assorted twats agreed with him, including a woman who believes homeless people are left-wing agitators trying to make the government look bad.

Co-worker Emma Bradford said: “It’s like it’s somehow his specialist subject even though he has no experience or knowledge of it.

“Also I think he’s got this weird, unforgiving right-wing thing going on where people deserve to be homeless if they didn’t do very well in their GCSEs.”