Meghan emails Airbnb host to ask if it's okay to bring armed guards

MEGHAN Markle has emailed an Airbnb host to ask if they have a policy on bringing a heavily-armed security detail.

While planning her and her husband’s honeymoon, the Duchess of Sussex used her Airbnb ID ‘Smeg83’ to check if the Spanish villa could accommodate a dozen men with high-powered rifles.

She wrote: “We will need to bring a small team of ex-SAS soldiers, however they are very clean and will not shoot anyone unless absolutely necessary. They won’t need bedrooms as they never sleep.

“Also, is there off-street parking for our hire car? And what’s the deal with the swimming pool, it says we need to pick up a key from the neighbour?”

She added: “We are members of the British royal family, just FYI in case you want to throw in a bottle of Prosecco and a grab bag of Doritos.”

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

Woman panics after discovering hairdressers don't swear oath of secrecy

A WOMAN is panicking after finding out that her hairdresser is under no legal or ethical obligation to keep their conversations confidential.

Emma Bradford said: “I was fooled by all the wise nodding and sage advice. I basically thought she was a counsellor with scissors.

“I’ve just found out she could open her trap at any point and nothing would happen to her.

“I have told her everything. This is very bad indeed.”

Hairdresser Nikki Hollis said: “I’ve never pretended to be any kind of a therapist, but Emma’s a £130 a month client, so when she tells me about sleeping with her brother in law and the fact that she’s been illegally working cash in hand for the last year, who am I to stop her?

“I know where all the bodies are buried. Not literally. Well… maybe literally.

Bradford later Googled ‘how to take a hit out on your hairdresser’ followed by ‘do hitmen take an oath of secrecy?’.