My Daughter Has Fantastic Tits, Says Fergie

SARAH Ferguson yesterday defended her eldest daughter insisting Princess Beatrice has developed an absolutely corking set of knockers.

The Duchess of York spoke out after the Daily Mail accused the Princess of not being old enough to have breasts, while at the same time being too old not to have them.

The Duchess said: "She is a perfectly normal young woman who just happens to have HRH in front of her name and a cracking pair of charlies. She'll be just fine.

"Like all teenagers she has a tendency to slouch, but when she stands up straight, my goodness what a pair of beauties. They're like melons I tell you, melons!"

Constitutional expert Denys Finch-Hatton said: "Although she was often dismissed as unsuitable, Prince Andrew made a strategic decision in mating with Sarah Ferguson.

"For all her shortcomings the Duchess has provided the House of Windsor with the genetic material to produce generation upon generation of superbly endowed princesses."

He added: "These are, in my opinion, the finest breasts to emanate from the royal bloodline in over 300 years.

"Not since Catherine of Braganza have we had a member of the Royal Family that you would look at and say, 'Sweet Jesus, well done love'."

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Giant Laser Used To Draw Cock On The Moon

SCIENTISTS who invented the world's most powerful laser have used it to draw a giant penis on the front of the moon.

Project leader Professor Mark Hadley said the Vulcan Laser produced a pencil thin light beam hotter than the Sun and took just 30 minutes to burn the 2000-mile high penis onto the moon's surface.

It is the largest obscenity to be drawn in space since Apollo 16 Commander John Young used the Lunar Rover to spell out 'BUZZ ALDRIN SHAGS ARSES' on the Descartes Highlands in 1972.

Professor Hadley, chief scientist at the National Laser Institute, said: "It cost £500 million to develop and is the result of unprecedented co-operation between government, academia and industry.

"It could open the door to nuclear fusion and unlimited amounts of pollution free energy, or enable us to discover exactly what happened in the split second before the Big Bang.

"But instead we're going it use it to draw big fat cocks on the Moon."

Russia was the first country to write a profanity on the Moon when it crashed the unmanned Luna-2 craft into the Mare Serenitatis in 1959 and left the message 'Ha, Ha, Fuck You Esienhower'.

Neil Armstrong is the first man to write grafitti in space. Close examination of photographs from the Apollo 11 landing show the astronaut scrawled the words 'moon my arse' on the front of his landing craft.

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